I'm being bullied

Talk to someone that you trust and you feel will listen. Parents, teachers, friends. Does your school have a peer mentoring scheme? Do you have BBMentors at your school? If so talk to one of the peer mentors.

Try to appear confident - even if you don’t feel it. Walk around with your head up, not looking down at the ground.

If someone is calling you names or talking about you, ask them why they are doing it and tell them to stop! If they carry on, repeat that you have asked them to stop and they haven’t, so you *will* tell someone about it.

***OR***

Try to fob things off by saying things like “OK - whatever” or “what you think doesn’t bother me”. Sometimes people say nasty things because they want you to react in a certain way or possibly get upset, so when you react in a way that gives them the impression that you are not bothered, they are more likely to stop.

Remember! No one has the right to bully you and if it is affecting your everyday life tell someone! This is the first step to end it!

I am a bully

Bullying can affect that person’s life, education, their opportunities, even their emotional and psychological state. It can indirectly affect that person’s family or their friendships! If you are bullying, stop it.

Even though you may think it's fun and won’t really hurt that person, it does. Stop for a second and think about this. Just imagine waking up every morning and dreading to go to school, because it’s just going to be the same thing. You’re going to get beaten up or have your money stolen. It really is not a nice way to start your day. You will not be able to concentrate on your school work, eventually affecting your grades, which means not reaching your full potential.

Before you next approach that person, think about how they feel everyday when they go home. Think about it for one second, and ask yourself why are you bullying them? Is it because, they look different? They don’t have the latest creps (trainers)? You think you’re better than them, or has someone told you that you’re worthless?

If you bully somebody because they wind you up, how do they wind you up? Do they do it deliberately, and if so have you asked them to stop?

Do you know why you bully? Maybe you have stuff going on outside of school that no one knows about, and bullying someone is the only way you know how to deal with it. Find an adult who you trust enough to talk through your issues with.

Maybe you’ve been bullied yourself and are taking it out on others. How did it make you feel when you were getting bullied? as mentioned before, what you are doing to that other kid is going to affect them for the rest of their lives. It is going to affect their self-esteem, confidence and education. I want you to ask yourself this: “are my friends, my friends or are they scared of me?” most of the time the case is that they are scared of you. They don’t respect you, they fear you.

Do you feel that you should get your own way all the time, and if so, why? Is there something that is making you feel particularly bad, angry or frustrated in your life? Talk to somebody about your behaviour. If you’ve been done for bullying at school, you will be expected to talk about it. If you’re finding it difficult talking to teachers that you see every day, you could try asking to talk to a school counsellor or peer mentor.

There are people out there to help you stop bullying and help you understand why you do. So give us a call or drop us an email or talk to any of these BB staff online now:

*Quince* *WhosRound?* *BLACKCAB* *Mand* *Missy D* *Laurienne* *Deeart* *Superstar* *Bunge*

Here are some reasons why people bully

· They are being bullied or have been bullied themselves and want to take out their anger and frustration on someone else.

· The person that they pick on winds them up or unsettles them in some way (sometimes on purpose, but usually they are just being themselves and the person doing the bullying is behaving unreasonably).

· They have seen people that they respect (e.g. parents, carers, brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents) use bullying behaviour as a way of getting what they want.

· They have never been told that this behaviour is wrong by the people bringing them up.

· Jealousy and envy over another person’s possessions, abilities, talents, background and looks.

· They think that it makes them look powerful to other people.

· They feel pressured into acting that way by other young people (they are bullied into bullying by friends or others that they know).

· They are labelled as “a bully” and feel that nobody expects any different from them.

You may know people who bully for all these reasons. You might be one of them. The thing to remember about bullying is that it might make the person doing it feel more powerful and in control, but it’s not real power (people will only follow that person’s lead because they’re scared of them, not because they have any real respect for them), and there are better ways of achieving real power and respect.

I am bystander

A bystander is somebody who witnesses somebody else being bullied and doesn’t try to stop it. Bullying comes in many different forms including physical bullying, verbal bullying, emotional or mental bullying, homophobic bullying, racist bullying, interfaith bullying, sexual bullying or cyber bullying. These can have a major impact physically, emotionally and mentally on the person receiving this treatment.

If you see this happening to somebody else you must try to help them. You can do this anonymously without anybody else knowing. It can be frightening watching somebody being bullied, and you may be scared to intervene in case the bully turns on you. You know it is not right or fair on them the way they are being treated.

If you are frightened to step in and help then go and tell a teacher, learning mentor, peer mentor or another appropriate adult that will be able to help. You could leave a note on a teacher's desk letting them know what is happening or slip it under their office door. They will not know the note is from you and hopefully they can help stop the bullying.

If it is a friend of yours that is doing the bullying try and speak to them about it. Find out why they are doing it. Happy people don’t bully others so your friend is obviously unhappy about something. Talk to them about how they might be affecting the person they are venting their anger at. Let them know that they could get in a lot of trouble or even be excluded from school because of their action. Tell them how it makes you feel watching them treat somebody that way. Your friend might not even be aware of the impact their actions are having on other people.

Nobody asks or deserves to be bullied. Growing up is hard enough without having to cope with bullying. Don’t be a bystander, take a stand.

How can you help?

If you witness bullying you might be a friend of the person being bullied or the person doing the bullying, or you might not know them at all. It doesn’t matter. You can still help. In fact, you really need to help, because by not helping you’re indirectly siding with the person doing the bullying. Use your judgement. How serious is the situation?

· If someone is about to get seriously hurt, get adult help immediately – a teacher, a shopkeeper, a passer-by. Shout for help if you need to. If you are scared for your own physical safety, get out of danger and send help. Call the police on 999. If someone has been seriously hurt as the result of a bullying incident, call an ambulance.

· If there is no immediate physical danger, try offering the person being bullied some support. This can be indirect (like not laughing at cruel remarks made by the person who is bullying) or direct (like telling the person who is bullying up to fix up, or making sure that you talk to and don’t ignore the person who is being bullied; you could support and encourage them to tell an adult about what is going on).

· If there is a bullying situation happening that you don’t feel able to do anything direct abou, tell somebody. This could be a peer mentor or teacher if you are at school, or a youth worker or other adult in a position to help. If you don’t want to give your name or tell someone face-to-face, try writing down what you want to say and sending the person a note.

· If you have been receiving nasty text messages or emails – keep them, save them, print them – and then show someone you can trust. Don’t let it carry on. Something can be done to stop it and somebody will be able to help you, especially if you have the proof!

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